it was also the time i mulled over a recent incident with kaela as i taught her to write "E" and "F". you see, we usually spend 1-1.5 hours a day filling up a sheet of pad with 2 letters. during this time, we would have a surge of temper - complaining, bickering, whimpering... more grinding, frustration... desperation. it was hard. the first time is always hard. i am a disciplinarian when i teach. i push her to her limits until she breaks away and realizes that she's more than capable of what she thinks she can. it was a difficult process.
every time she wrote the letter well, she asked, "nanay, are you happy? why are you not smiling?" as if doing it right will earn my love for her; when in fact, whether she learns it that day or not, my love for her is just the same. nothing less.
this made me realize something about God's love, how it's not earned and it's a grace. nothing can separate us from it. it's a gift. of course, there would be a time of desperation, when we think that He abandons us. we just have to trust the process and seek Him throughout. eventually, the situation will transform us to become the beautiful version of ourselves. just wait and see.
before the day ends, just a note to self, i'll have to re-emphasize it again to my almost-four-year-old kid - that she is loved, no matter what.
she practised and she realized she's good.
