hello, 2018 and thank you for the strength, 2017!

the truth is, i didn't intend to blog soon. 2017 brought me a mix of overwhelming emotions that i still feel so fragile to share. but in front of the pc, pondering whether to book a trip in May or not, i opened my blog and began reading a few articles i wrote in the past; half-testing if i was still the same person in the blog before the series of incidents happened last year.

2017 is a year of wisdom, if i may put it in a more optimistic light. the year we lost mama after being in coma for six months. the year we lost my sister-in-law, alice, to eclampsia. the year i resigned from my post. the year we lost daddy, my father-in-law, due to cardiac arrest. it was also the year we are graced by baby dudut's (alice's baby) presence and the time i got to know my daughter deeper since my sidekick, kitt, was in Australia.

if someone will take everything at face value, perhaps he will deduce that it was an unfortunate year for our family. it was a trying year but it's also an important milestone to most of my dreams.

you are confused now, i suppose.

10 years ago (that's even before i got married, way before i knew i would marry francis), i planned my game plan. i laid down what i wanted to happen to my future and my family. i wanted to be a full-time mom by the age of 35. should my family need my help to our ageing parents, i could give up my job in a snap of my fingers while not compromising my monetary assistance to them. i wanted to homeschool my kids.

all these visions did happen in 2017, in the midst of our family's crisis.

don't get me wrong. there were many times it felt like God abandoned us. i am only human, susceptible to doubt His deliverance. His wisdom is far greater than my mortal understanding. His glory is exalted in every angle i look at. He remained true to my heart's desires.

post-script.

this article was published and unfinished.

oh, katriane

when our second child, katriane, was born, it was surprisingly a breeze than the first one. mother's instinct came naturally. there is more patience spared. more forbearance of how the house looks. the little tasks completed are celebrated with ounces of gratefulness. and though the daily drama is almost inevitable, apologies and forgiveness abound everyday.

being a parent is never, ever easy. but the hugs, that used to be from one child, is doubled up right away with the arrival of another one. talk about God's way of showering you with more love. though many times it can be restless, the little time leaves little room to complain.

post-script.

this is an unfinished work. i just want to deliver something with emotions which are very raw after the birth of our second child.