in between

go a distance or stay domisticated
stocking up for tomorrow or give them all away
piled up work or no work at all
stay alone or be in a throng
keep the diet or be more forgiving
be straight or stay out of the norm
be kinder or incriminate
talk less or be bold
take in or throw it aside.

in between. lost.

feeling light and young

i'm not fond of salons. i'm a happy bunny that can go out with sticky hair tied into a bun. i just don't care, i suppose. but this week is an exception as my friend is getting married by the end of the month. i need some hair-help like i don't need it before. so i gave myself a nice short haircut and darker hue (i prefer the lighter one, actually. but i guess the auntie put the wrong color, and suprisingly, i didn't make a fuss over it.) i feel literally lighter after getting rid of the limp hair. my housemates said i look like sixteen again. ha! had they seen me when i was sixteen, they would think i am much younger now.

so that's it. life is sweet and so is my look. =D

study, study, study

the discussion that transpired last night was pretty hefty. i slowly follow the charts and indicators. worst, i have only six nights to do my own research and catch up with next week's lesson.

ran-chi, my sit-in classmate and a former CIO in europe, had mused some words of consolation during our ride home. i didn't know that he just enrolled last year but talking to him sounds like he's so pro in his craft. i hope to be like him after a year, too. that is, only if i do my end of the bargain which is to study and study a bit more.

well, hopefully, things would start to get clearer in six nights because ran-chi said, we're still at the lighter part of the course. huh! (sigh...) good luck to me :P

grace's leaving

my dear cousin is leaving singapore for good. it makes me quite sad, the feeling i'm expecting to grow tomorrow when her last trace is finally out of our room. after two years of sharing a room, nail colors and so much more, the very girly and hilarious being will finally leave my sight... until april when i go back home.

i'll miss sms-ing her at night when she's not yet home. i'll miss waiting for her at orchard when i window-shop. the gossiping and chit-chat over coffee and pasta at coffee bean. the never-ending talk and laughs.

two months ago, i haven't really thought that she's leaving until she got pregnant. there's no really choice but to go home where she will be better taken care of.

the only really constant thing is change. but i reckon this is a good one. being a mother and a wife is most of the time, if not always, a better choice.

so good luck to the girl who never runs out of stories and comfort to tell!

shopping for books

i should begin doing away from bookstore. i shouldn't have to. but i think i got a disease on buying books despite the fact that i still have a few more bounds to read at home. i am addicted, i suppose. and anything addictive in the wrong way is unforgiveable.

yes, they are just books. not a manolo pair of shoes or a louis vuitton bag. yet, they all boil down to 'wanting to spend at least'. the thought that 'i have money in my wallet that is available for spending'. that's the disease i've been wanting to cure completely. i hate to think of what else to buy when there's nothing else to think about. and though it stirs an excitement within me, i have to stop it. to conceive it in my mind is to allow it to happen. maybe a little more sacrifice. afterall, it's not about not-buying-books because i can always buy a new one once i finish them all.

so, i'd better read fast if i want to own new ones. i can say, quite a challenge for a slow reader like me. but if i won't do it, it's my wallet which will soon be in crisis. and i can't let that to happen again. never.

night classes

today is the start of my night classes. after drinking three cups of coffee to fight my whole day's exhaustion from work, i went home feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up. i forgot that what was cushioning my hunger and tiredness is the knowledge i'm getting from Conrad. what can i do? i just idolize the man. i don't mind throwing away my five thousand bucks for a meaty information and a community who shares the same passion as i have. and neither do i mind fatigue cripple myself.

so here i am, running on coffee while writing this (and yeah, i write anyway :P) and a handful of cold rice for an after-midnight dinner. i am still trying to remember everything that we've discussed, and they are all running in my mind now while feeling nauseous and at the same time a bit hungrier still.

nevertheless, this is the time that despite my temporary physical weakness, i feel happy. happy that finally i already have a group where i belong. people i can run to whenever i have doubts. and of course, having a mentor who came out of bankruptcy to prove that he is already better this time and to spread the word that he learned, to us who are wanting more.

a wonderful 2009

every new year, i look back at all my plans and activities of the previous year. unlike in the past, i'm not going to count the misses this time. there are so many things to thank for and to look back with a smile that it's a waste of time to always give credit to the mistakes (especially if you already learned from them). so, here it goes...

2009 was a very blessed year for me. and why not? if you got a job with the salary you want and nice fellas around, there's nothing else you could ask for.

i went five times to the philippines on the first half of the year. in may, i visited kota kinabalu which was a so-called attempt to assault mt. kinabalu but ended up basking in the sun at manukan and mamutik beaches. in june, my brother and i gave a travel treat to our whole family in coron, palawan. and how can i forget our phuket trip in november which brought me a refreshing short break after resigning at sony.

my most awaited event, the standard chartered marathon, came in december. a feat i almost made myself believe was impossible to achieve had i listened to people who doubted that i can finish the 21km half marathon. but i did. and now, i have the full marathon to look forward to this year. nothing is really impossible if you believe that it's just within reach.

i've got two more passive incomes that come from the business i set up in the first quarter and the one i am still learning the ropes on. both are doing well in spite of the global recession and the rising inflation. another side business is coming up this year and the other one i'm starting off is due in three years time.

after being immersed in data warehouse design and development project, i'm back to making friends with .NET. it's an old plan that somehow lost its way for four years and finally came back after a long time.

four more months and i'll be paying up in full the entire estate i acquired three years ago. hopefully, i could turn it into a three-unit apartment that could generate income for my parents once i get married.

i joined a christian cell group who i meet every friday. it's such an entertaining yet spiritual bunch of crowd that makes me feel God's love more and i couldn't help but to love back. this is the group i look forward to be with every week, and i pray that every friday no one will call or sms calling off the friday meet-up.

God is really good. and with all these, i praise Him.

write anyway

i decided to write anyway despite my ineptitude to write well. even when my struggle is stronger than my will to try again. i cannot give up that easily when in the first place i am not made to surrender without giving my best.

i have to write until i got back the old passion that i buried some months ago. i have to write for the love of what had enlivened my dreams in the past.

because i believe that deep in me, there's still a tiny glint of hope waiting to be untapped.