in between

go a distance or stay domisticated
stocking up for tomorrow or give them all away
piled up work or no work at all
stay alone or be in a throng
keep the diet or be more forgiving
be straight or stay out of the norm
be kinder or incriminate
talk less or be bold
take in or throw it aside.

in between. lost.

feeling light and young

i'm not fond of salons. i'm a happy bunny that can go out with sticky hair tied into a bun. i just don't care, i suppose. but this week is an exception as my friend is getting married by the end of the month. i need some hair-help like i don't need it before. so i gave myself a nice short haircut and darker hue (i prefer the lighter one, actually. but i guess the auntie put the wrong color, and suprisingly, i didn't make a fuss over it.) i feel literally lighter after getting rid of the limp hair. my housemates said i look like sixteen again. ha! had they seen me when i was sixteen, they would think i am much younger now.

so that's it. life is sweet and so is my look. =D

study, study, study

the discussion that transpired last night was pretty hefty. i slowly follow the charts and indicators. worst, i have only six nights to do my own research and catch up with next week's lesson.

ran-chi, my sit-in classmate and a former CIO in europe, had mused some words of consolation during our ride home. i didn't know that he just enrolled last year but talking to him sounds like he's so pro in his craft. i hope to be like him after a year, too. that is, only if i do my end of the bargain which is to study and study a bit more.

well, hopefully, things would start to get clearer in six nights because ran-chi said, we're still at the lighter part of the course. huh! (sigh...) good luck to me :P

changes

one day you're laughing, the next day, you're parting ways.
one day you're fighting, the next day, you're putting up with each other's insanity.
one day you're irritated, the next day, you're loving every moment.

changes.

every day you adapt to what life throws your way.
every day you accept that things are bound to twist.

like today. like any other day in the past.

grace's leaving

my dear cousin is leaving singapore for good. it makes me quite sad, the feeling i'm expecting to grow tomorrow when her last trace is finally out of our room. after two years of sharing a room, nail colors and so much more, the very girly and hilarious being will finally leave my sight... until april when i go back home.

i'll miss sms-ing her at night when she's not yet home. i'll miss waiting for her at orchard when i window-shop. the gossiping and chit-chat over coffee and pasta at coffee bean. the never-ending talk and laughs.

two months ago, i haven't really thought that she's leaving until she got pregnant. there's no really choice but to go home where she will be better taken care of.

the only really constant thing is change. but i reckon this is a good one. being a mother and a wife is most of the time, if not always, a better choice.

so good luck to the girl who never runs out of stories and comfort to tell!

paalam, tatay herminio

i can't remember how many times i saw tatay herminio. besides that time erodes my memory, there are really just a few times i saw him. probably three or four. or lesser than that. in the four years and a half that i could have the chance of chatting with him or seeing him more, i didn't. a choice that could be a little odd to look back now.

he was the father of my ex. the one with a twin brother. the one who's married to herminia. the man with a bullet rafting through his body caused by something i forgot what.

i honestly know very little about him. until a year ago, joel broke to me the news that he had cancer. and for a while i prayed for him. i prayed for nanay herminia, too. joel's often concern even before is how one will be able to cope with grief if the other is already gone. and from that simple regard, i know that tatay herminio and nanay herminia are one of the few couples i know who shared something really special.

and now that tatay is gone, i can feel the sorrows of his family even miles away. i remember his eyes which i only stared at photographs years ago. i remember joel's story about him accompanying nanay early in the morning to sell fish in the market. i remember him as a lolo to gelo in a handful of times i went to their home. i remember very little of what he was in the past. of what he was as a father. or just about anything about him. but perhaps big enough to reminisce the past and to remember him tonight.

tatay, the pain is gone now. have a peaceful rest.

shopping for books

i should begin doing away from bookstore. i shouldn't have to. but i think i got a disease on buying books despite the fact that i still have a few more bounds to read at home. i am addicted, i suppose. and anything addictive in the wrong way is unforgiveable.

yes, they are just books. not a manolo pair of shoes or a louis vuitton bag. yet, they all boil down to 'wanting to spend at least'. the thought that 'i have money in my wallet that is available for spending'. that's the disease i've been wanting to cure completely. i hate to think of what else to buy when there's nothing else to think about. and though it stirs an excitement within me, i have to stop it. to conceive it in my mind is to allow it to happen. maybe a little more sacrifice. afterall, it's not about not-buying-books because i can always buy a new one once i finish them all.

so, i'd better read fast if i want to own new ones. i can say, quite a challenge for a slow reader like me. but if i won't do it, it's my wallet which will soon be in crisis. and i can't let that to happen again. never.

night classes

today is the start of my night classes. after drinking three cups of coffee to fight my whole day's exhaustion from work, i went home feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up. i forgot that what was cushioning my hunger and tiredness is the knowledge i'm getting from Conrad. what can i do? i just idolize the man. i don't mind throwing away my five thousand bucks for a meaty information and a community who shares the same passion as i have. and neither do i mind fatigue cripple myself.

so here i am, running on coffee while writing this (and yeah, i write anyway :P) and a handful of cold rice for an after-midnight dinner. i am still trying to remember everything that we've discussed, and they are all running in my mind now while feeling nauseous and at the same time a bit hungrier still.

nevertheless, this is the time that despite my temporary physical weakness, i feel happy. happy that finally i already have a group where i belong. people i can run to whenever i have doubts. and of course, having a mentor who came out of bankruptcy to prove that he is already better this time and to spread the word that he learned, to us who are wanting more.